i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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