One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
