You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
