i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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