I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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