its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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