Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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