I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
