Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
3 2 1 whiskey
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
