I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she pinky promised me she was 18
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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