its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
