Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
