Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
