Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
