I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
