who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
