look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
