and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
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