I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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