just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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