chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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