Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My vagina is officially offended.
My ass is underappreciated
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
