I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
