I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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