her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
