You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
