I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
