Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
