Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize