I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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