Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
