I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
