I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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