he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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