dude i'm inner monologue high
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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