We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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