i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize