she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
