Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize