I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
