I hope mine doesn't look like that
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
