the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
