Your dad touched me again.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize