dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I love having hate sex.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
