he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize