Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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