I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
