I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
