I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
