When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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