i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
