My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
