True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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