I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize