He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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