Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
