Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
