I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
