I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
