remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
