I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
