god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
