I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
