you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize