Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Watching her eat just hurts me
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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