dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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