she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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