I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
