and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
