I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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