at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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