So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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