Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
