You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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