I just pynch a tree in the face
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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