Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
