it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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