Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize