Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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