why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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