MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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