People in love make me want to vomit
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
