I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I deserve this hangover.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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