...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
