There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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