i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
