I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
handjob tips. give me some.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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