He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
